The Bereavement Process in Islam
Mike Rossi
While
death is something that affects everyone, the process of mourning and dealing
with grief is something that is often poorly understood. This article
highlights the traditional beliefs and practices associated with grief and
bereavement in Islam in order to understand how grief is dealt with
collectively in Muslim communities. After conducting research on common beliefs
and practices, I conducted three interviews with Muslims at the Burlington
Masjid in an effort to reveal how the personal experiences of individual
Muslims living within the Elon community compare with traditional Islamic grief
narratives. Interview questions were derived from my initial research.
Bereavement
encompasses the entire experience of family members and friends in the
anticipation, death, and subsequent adjustment to living following the death of
a loved one.[1]
Studies show that a commitment to religion and spirituality generally has a positive
relationship with adjusting to bereavement, and religious beliefs often play a
pivotal role in shaping meaning-making processes during bereavement as
individuals draw upon cultural resources to create meaning from their loss,
ultimately helping them rebuild their lives.[2]
Nonetheless, research suggests that little is known about Islamic grieving
processes outside of Muslim communities, especially in the United States.[3]
In Islam, death is determined by the will of God, and Muslims take comfort knowing
that life and death are in accordance to God’s will. They are expected to
accept God’s will and bear the loss of loved one patiently because death is predetermined
by God and cannot be changed.[4]
Even the most tragic forms of death, such as the death of a child, are greeted
with an understanding that there is a greater plan involved. The first
interviewee stated that, “death is not an important event in someone’s life
because it is such a natural thing.” These findings highlight the belief that death is a natural process that must
happen to everyone.
Islam
acknowledges four ways of enduring death and treats them differently: violent
death at one’s own hands (suicide); violent death at the hands of another
person (accident, manslaughter, murder); violent death by self-sacrifice (the
martyr’s death); natural death. Suicide is universally condemned and is seen as
even worse than taking the life of another person because it represents a
deviation from God’s will.[5]
Murdering someone is not a capital offense under the shari’a (Islamic law), and
can often be compensated through a payment of blood money (diya). Dying as a martyr leads one directly to paradise, although
the definition of martyr is disputed. Two of the interviewees mentioned
martyrdom, and explained that when someone dies as a martyr, their family is
expected to celebrate rather than grieve because that person has been granted
entry into paradise.
In
instances of natural death, there is a Day of Judgment, where God decides
whether a person’s good deeds have outweighed their sins. Good deeds are
rewarded with jannah, which refers to
the eternal after life in paradise.[6]
The third interviewee, a 55 year-old engineer, described the process more
extensively. “When you are in the grave, two angels come and balance out your
good deeds and bad deeds for judgment,” he said, “Whether you go to heaven or
hell is based on the collective sum of what you’ve done in your life.”
Following
a death, Islam provides a complex system designed to support, structure, and assist
the bereaved and the community. The tradition guides the bereaved, family
members, and the community from the initial notification of death through the
post-mourning period. While bereavement processes differ by region and country,
they almost always begin with a relatively rapid burial. The following five
acts are performed within 24 hours of the death: washing, anointing, shrouding,
praying, and burying of the corpse.[7]
During the burial process, several rituals and prayers are said as the body is
being laid to rest. The second interviewee mentioned that these rituals provide
a strong sense of closure because the bereaved have the opportunity to care for
their loved ones for the last time before laying them to rest. Likewise,
Interviewee #3 said that he felt that the grief lessens significantly if you
attend the funeral and partake in the rituals. He mentioned that he always pays
his respects during a funeral, even if he does not know the deceased. These
sentiments reveal that the burial process and associated rituals play a key
role in comforting the bereaved.
After
the commencement of the burial, the bereaved begin a three-day mourning period.
During this time, bereavement transcends beyond the individual or the family
inflicted with the loss and involves the religious community. It is during this
period that grief is shared openly and the bereaved are comforted by other
community members. The interviewees mentioned that the community typically takes
on the responsibilities of the bereaved, such as cooking, cleaning, and other
daily tasks. Ultimately, the link to God, religion, and the community of
believers serve to heal the sense of loneliness that the bereaved feel.[8]
All three interviewees discussed feeling a strong sense of community during the
three-day mourning process.
The
Islamic tradition focuses the bereaved upon a rapid return to participation in
society and faith community.[9]
Following the three-day bereavement period, the bereaved are expected to return
to the community and accept the reality in which the deceased is no longer with
them. God is aware of the pain associated with losing a loved one so He rewards those
who show patience, resolve, and remain steadfast in their beliefs by shedding
their sins.[10]
When grief interferes with daily activities, Muslims are counseled to seek
solace in prayers, supplications, and reflection on the meaning of the Qur’an.
They also tend to take comfort in the hadiths, the teachings of the Prophet Mohammed
that describe eternal paradise, and manage memories and attachments through
methods such as doing good deeds and writing poetry.[11]
Interviewee
#3 mentioned that reading the Qur’an functions as a comforting mechanism
because it provides instructions for the living as they learn to live without
their loved ones. When asked whether religious devotion wavers during
bereavement, Interviewee #2 said, “People become more devoted to religion
during this period. There is an obligation to grieve with the family and not
indulge in anything else.” The research supports this sentiment, suggesting
that secular Muslims are often inclined to adopt a devotion to religion during
their period of mourning because the religious framework and traditions support
them during their most difficult time.[12]
The
belief that death is in accord with God’s plan has resulted in reluctance for
Muslims to seek out grief counseling. Furthermore, research conducted using 13
focus groups at area mosques in southeast Michigan found that Muslims view God
as the only one who ultimately controls health and illness, with health care
providers being seen as tools or instruments of God.[13]
Additionally, the sense of bewilderment, anger, and denial predicted by
bereavement models are less likely to be evident among Muslims. These findings
reveal that the belief that death is natural and in accordance to God’s will
shapes a unique grieving process for Muslims that diverges from the typical
model of bereavement.
The
body of literature and the empirical evidence provided in the interviews
suggests that in Islam, death is not taboo but is instead seen as an inevitable
expression of God’s will and his plan for each human being, and that Muslims
are typically more accepting of the temporary nature of life as a result of
these beliefs. For the most part, the grieving process associated with death is
dealt with openly, and the Muslim faith encourages the sharing of grief and
provides the means for absolving it. There seemed to be more of a willingness
to have candid conversations about dealing with grief, especially during the
three-day mourning period. Islam encourages Muslims to be mindful of the
temporary nature of this life and focus on spiritual growth, which is
ultimately conducive to an acceptance of death as a nature process. These
beliefs and practices have the effect of removing much of the morbidity of
death.
While
understanding different religious frameworks can help capture broad trends
amongst religious communities, we must understand that religious beliefs serve
as only one element of the individualized narratives that we construct for
ourselves. As Interviewee #3 put it himself “Different religions provide different
ways of grieving, but we’re all human beings, and we all must deal with the
same grief.” While this study of Islamic bereavement is sufficient in capturing
widely accepted narratives within the faith, it does not sufficiently address
how religious frameworks actually differ between individuals and communities.
It was beyond the scope of this project to conduct the necessary amount of
interviews needed in order to draw conclusions about the Muslim community in
Burlington. Rather, these interviews must be understood as a form anecdotal
evidence that adds nuance to our understanding of Islamic bereavement as it is
actually practiced.
Having
spent six months studying abroad in Morocco and Jordan, I understand how
difficult it can be to have conversations about serious topics when the
environment is unfamiliar or poorly understood. Conversations about death and
grief tend to be avoided at all costs because death is a reality that most do
not wish to accept. By examining
different belief systems and attitudes towards death and the grieving process,
we gain access to different frameworks of understanding the world. Having
access to these unique frameworks of understanding leaves us better equipped to
have difficult conversations.
[1] Kamyar Hedayat, “When
the Spirit Leaves: Childhood Death, Grieving, and Bereavement in Islam,” Journal
of Palliative Medicine 9, no. 6 (December 2006): 1282–91,
[2] Karen J. Brison and
Stephen C. Leavitt, “Coping with Bereavement: LongTerm Perspectives on Grief
and Mourning,” Ethos: Journal of the Society for Psychological Anthropology
23, no. 4 (1995): 395–400; Wortmann JH and Park CL, “Religion and Spirituality
in Adjustment Following Bereavement: An Integrative Review,” Death Studies
32, no. 8 (September 2008): 703–36.
[3] Aasim I. Padela et al.,
“American Muslim Perceptions of Healing Key Agents in Healing, and Their
Roles,” Qualitative Health Research 22, no. 6 (June 1, 2012): 846–58
[4] Maria Kristiansen and
Aziz Sheikh, “Understanding Faith Considerations When Caring for Bereaved
Muslims,” Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine 105, no. 12 (December
1, 2012): 513–17,
[5] Christine Schirrmacher,
“They Are Not All Martyrs Islam on the Topics of Dying, Death, and Salvation in
the Afterlife,” Evangelical Review of Theology 36, no. 3 (July 2012):
250–65.
[6] Jennifer Baggerly and
Salma Elkadi Abugideiri, “Grief Counseling for Muslim Preschool and Elementary
School Children,” Journal of Multicultural Counseling & Development
38, no. 2 (April 2010): 112–24.
[8] Simon Shimshon Rubin and
Hend Yasien-Esmael, “Loss and Bereavement Among Israel’s Muslims: Acceptance of
God’s Will, Grief, and the Relationship to the Deceased,” Omega: Journal of
Death & Dying 49, no. 2 (June 2004): 149–62.
[9] Hend Yasien-Esmael and
Simon Shimshon Rubin, “The Meaning Structures of Muslim Bereavements in Israel:
Religious Traditions, Mourning Practices, and Human Experience,” Death
Studies 29, no. 6 (August 7, 2005): 495–518,
[11] Baggerly and Abugideiri,
“Grief Counseling for Muslim Preschool and Elementary School Children.”
[13] Padela et al., “American
Muslim Perceptions of Healing Key Agents in Healing, and Their Roles.”
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